Isn't it great when other people can say how you feel without even trying?
"I'm 40, fat as fuck, with roots that need to be touched up and hair
that looks dated. I'm wearing maternity pants (HI! baby was delivered
almost three months ago) and three season, god, maybe four season old
fucking boots. At least I moved out of maternity bras into my old bras
for god-sakes. I'm considered an old dispensable model. Less than
because I don't happen to be in the "under 30" cool-kid sect. I don't
work (I'm not going to even go into the working mother vs
nonworking mother debate here because, sadly, women seem to be so
unsupportive of each other with on this subject. About makeup? hell,
yes, you'll get an AMEN about this trivial unity but if you choose to
stay home? or work? everyone seems to bitter up on each other),I'm
not cool, I don't talk about cool things and well, to be completely
honest, I lost favor with cool people a long time ago. Part of me feels
okay with this reality but part of me is very, very sad because at
times, I feel like I'm 20 - wrapped in a beat up and rusted Pinto of a
body or maybe a purple, hatch-backed Gremlin. Whatever. I'm still
running even though I cough and quit at the most inopportune of times.
I just need a new coat of paint, a polish and a new interior. Complete
this package with a new maintenance program and certifiable upgrades I
might just become a new model that feels worthy to be driven
again. Maybe. "
And I want to cry my eyes out because I'm hormonal and her baby died yesterday while I was enjoying myself on so many levels.